Fucking messed up now... All of a sudden, I felt my life has fallen apart. This damned life has broken into pieces long ago, and before I realized, everything seems to be gone...
Its like quicksand, or cancerous infection that eats me up day by day... Minutes pass, hours, then days and years and I can look into the mirror. What the fuck have you done these while? To deserve this pain, this helplessness?
What had I done to get into all these? Suicide is our way of saying to God, 'You can't fire me, I quit...' Your game or mine, lets end it here. I dislike cutting and self abuse. It defeats the purpose somehow. But then physically; pain and gain come together, rather wierdly... complimentary. The physical pain and pleasure distracts the mental torture and helplessness away from reality which sometimes cannot be changed. Facts that cannot be denied, ugly history that was falsified...
The world has never been fair. Face it. People were born evil, read the facts. We were by nature earthly animals who uniquely utilise the best of our intelligence to deny each other of the best, reap the most from one another and invent weapons to kill our neighbours else poison the very food our children eat. We are perhaps the most intelligent beings, closer to God's self in light of his creation. But we are yet indeed the most carnal, vicious beasts born with such instincts
Sometimes when we are upset, we are just... upset then. But when we are antagonised, we do something about it. But what happens when the fire dies? When the hatred ceases? When the passion no longer burns? Ever seen a tiger in a cage? After all the years and helplessness, they change and confine to fate. When u look them in the eyes, you see no soul. Empty hearts... Numb to the outside world. The love has died, so has the angst.
While we continuously seek to live, decently... we lose track of what is really important, the truth. Who is God, where is he now? What do we do when we die? Do we get to rest forever? In heaven? Where is that? A dimension? Hell? Proof? Science? Mystical powers? If Jesus was sent to save the world, If Moses was sent and enlightened to free the Israelis, who in the name of God in our era has been sent? Definitely not Osama... Obama sounds better but still a man. Then who, before the world's eyes will revive the beliefs? The bible, like it or not, was written and passed down over generations. Teachings and verses intepreted differently and depending on perspective. If I were to even suspect, many teachings over time have been massaged into what it is today thus we see different denominions, directions, emphasis and healings.
Lets recall we all die someday. And if we do believe, we go heaven... the other way hell. Does either one ever get full? Well, at least earth does. Interesting thing is that life is permanently full of temporary problems. Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide. A permanent solution to all temporary problems.
Everyday, people die in different ways, accidents and wars, infection plagues and sickness, old age and suicide. The only question is when and how. And what... what happens after... Will we be like the homeless spirits and wandering souls? Or burning in hell? Or just cease to exist? Bodies and bones decay... Do souls do? Do minds do? Minds do become senile, damaged.... but due to physical brain deterioation, only... so like a vase filled with water, when the vase is broken, where will the water go?
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