Life... Ever has it been that we knows not our own depth until the hour of separation.

21st Oct... Yvonne informed me MOH has just banned dormicums! As if life is not agonising enough to go without some pain killers. Frankly speaking, stopping my MDMA use was probably good. Else I would still be looking at empty spaces, lost in multiple dimensions and tripping.


Anyway XTC these days are mostly mixed with toxins and most probably psychedelics or ketamine. The unique euphoria appears to be distinct from most stimulants with a tendency to produce a sense of intimacy. Not sexual but sensual, emotional and telepathy with others. The diminished feelings of fear and anxiety led to suggest it might have therapeutic benefits to some individuals.

To me, it does infact release much of the worries in life. For a moment, it does not matter anymore. Nothing really matters anymore. Whatever happened or whatever will... If only this lasts, but itself would never will. The worst I did was 3-4 XTC daily till I started losing sleep and living in subconsciousness for about 4 days. By the 5th, I fainted twice in a day while walking. Finally when I got to a deep sleep, I woke up a full day later to lose memories of what I had done for the last 2 weeks. Mind was a blank. Can't think, can't remember, logical engine is dead and while awake but bewildered.

But that was the worst patch 2years ago. Took me a totally drunk nite at MOS to clear off the mental blocks. Somehow alcohol helps to clear the state of loss caused by XTC after my liquor hangover. Its an unforgettable experience to me. Wonder how the biochemicals work but well thats what happened.

The incident stopped my XTC dosages for almost a year. Was then into drinking. Found out that sometimes it could take you triple the dollars, 100 times the efforts only to get half the amount of high and not even a quarter of the climax.





Nevertheless, Shin Bar and St James, Zouk and CQ were the places to kill time especially when you can knock off at 430 noon and go to work at 10 next day. Miss those days in Shenton way when I was with Firium... But gone were those days. Now I'm half the time at Changi Business Park with the Big Blue

Did ever wonder if I were to donate blood like I used to during my NUS and JC days, would the beneficiary get high? I would call him a victim though...


Anyway nowadays I'm innocently on only valiums for a better sleep and calm morning. God... May your sinful but constantly regretful one be forgiven of his doings and released of his fears. Amen!